Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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