Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
