Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
