The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
