I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
