If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
