When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize