you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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