Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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