someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
