We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
