I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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