I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
