i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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