just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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