I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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