Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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