Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
