I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
