Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
