I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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