3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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