i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
