He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
