This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
