Dual....:-)
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
