I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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