Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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