Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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