I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
