just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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