fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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