Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
