i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
