whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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