You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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