Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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