the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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