My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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