fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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