you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize