I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
