you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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