If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just blew my weed a kiss
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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