People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
