I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
