Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
