The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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