I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Terrible idea I love it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
