ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
