Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
