my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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