i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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