this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
