I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
3pm strippers are depressing
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
