look no pants
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
