i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
