Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
