Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize