Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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