I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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