Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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