her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
