I could make wine with my vomit
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
